Jimmy Fallon’s #Kidsquotes Hashtag Gets The Internet Cracking Up
By Anglina Roberts
To view the world through the eyes of a child is to be young again, full of life and hopeful expectations that are otherwise obfuscated with age. If we could gain back that perspective, we might be able to roam the world revitalized, understanding what we see and experience in a new light.
This desire to reclaim the hopefulness of childhood is perhaps what inspired Jimmy Fallon, host of The Tonight Show, to ask his millions of Twitter followers to share hilarious things they’ve heard children say. These random quips and innocent observations have come from people’s own children and conversations they’ve overheard while out and about. Read on to enjoy the brutal honesty and unfiltered opinions of the youngest members of the human race.
How It All Started
Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon, a father of two, invited his millions of Twitter followers from all over the globe to share their funny #kidquotes. Sure enough, it only took a few moments for him to get a tidal wave of responses.
Children can say the simplest things and be so adorable and funny. Their raw and unpredictable observations render parents nervous when in big crowds, but they get the rest of us giggling with how unabashedly honest they are.
An Inventive Child
At some point in time, we all find ourselves in a messy state of affairs, cornered in circumstances that seem impossible to get out of without shame. But for this kindergartener, that moment came too early.
The kid has promising cognitive skills! He was able to think up an excuse when forced to shoot from the hip. It may not be so plausible to us adults, but he sure thinks he’s gotten away from a major embarrassment, boosting his confidence. You have to admit this was clever for his age.
Unsophisticated Preference
Teaching a child to develop fine tastes in multiple aspects of life, apart from academics, can be quite difficult. Parents have to spend time and money to get their children the right exposure. For many, this comes down to hiring the best teachers of music, art, and literature. For others, it means traveling around the world.
Unfortunately, this kid is lacking when it comes to authentic dish preferences. Instead of appreciating the real deal of eating lasagna in its homeland, he longed for the preservative-laden, frozen lasagna back home, much to the parents’ chagrin.
Trying to Belong
This new teenager did not understand what hit her the first time she heard the question. Coming from a curious eight-year-old, this certainly is an odd question. It sounds like something an undercover cop would ask!
Of course, this eight-year-old was no cop. However, her question just does not sound right for her age. We have a feeling she overheard her parents talking about how her older sister is growing up so fast. It sounds like she was echoing something her concerned father said.
At Least He Tried
A day spent with an infant can both be hilarious and annoying, what with their need for constant attention. Screams can erupt at the slightest provocation, but still, their cuteness charms you, slobber and all.
While toddlers do a lot of slobbering, they also say some pretty funny things. This baby boy tried to articulate how excited he was about certain things but ended up saying something that sounded NSFW! Thankfully, his parents were eventually able to interpret his mumblings.
Etiquette Among Boys
Kids enjoy the kind of freedom adults can only dream of. Completely uninhibited and genuine, even bordering on the anarchic, this five-year-old drew his grandma’s attention and subsequent scolding. What does it matter to the child if he burps in the middle of dinner?
Not even the idea posed about a potential future date encouraged him to bother with social etiquette. He brushed grandma’s question aside with a sneer and a quick retort. Sometimes, we hate it when kids act that way, but we also secretly wish we were as free to do as we please.
Grayscale Display
It was 2016, and the young mother must have been born at least two decades earlier, in the 1990s. This was when the Hubble Space Telescope was launched into the heavens to conduct valuable research. The low flying observatory orbits beyond the rain clouds, taking pictures of galaxies and planets.
Though technology was pretty advanced in the 90s, this woman’s child made her feel old with her black and white reference. It’s a comical notion that the world used to be grayscale, far from completion, just a few years ago. Kids have no sense of time.
Dogged Determination
How we sometimes wish we had the dogged determination of this 4-year-old when aiming for success, saving up to build a home, or buying a new car. Somehow, along the way to adulthood, many of us have lost that verve and have become less hopeful and more jaded.
This kid reminds us of that unflinching will to succeed, demonstrated in her goal to someday catch pokemon in real life. It’s impossible, but how could you explain that to an innocent four-year-old?
Character Creation
Intelligence and creativity start to manifest at a very young age. These traits show in the way kids interact with one another, how they invent games within games, making up new characters plucked from the woods of their uncharted imagination.
But this right here might be a little different. The Dairy Queen must be the product of a misunderstanding, but what good things come along with it – ice cream, sundaes, milkshakes, and other treats strewn all over the table.
Christmas Fleas
The monotony of everyday life is lifted away each year by the coming of the Christmas Season. It’s the happiest time of the year, especially for kids. There are blinking lights wrapped around the tree, snow-covered homes, gifts in glittery wrappers, and plenty of parties to keep everyone’s spirits high.
Just when you think the season could not be merrier, a boy begins singing “there’s fleas on the dog” to the tune of “Feliz Navidad.” How adorable! We bet the whole family sings it his way now.
Guessing Game
Spontaneous guessing games will never be the same for this family after the daughter misspelled “tree” in the cutest manner. She must have said it with absolute conviction, certain that the word “tree” is spelled “chree.”
It would, perhaps, be a bit annoying trying to guess a word that doesn’t exist. But it’s so adorable that you’d have to forgive her. Kids can say the most confounding things and still look so charming. The things they say are like magic spells that captivate and tug at our heartstrings.
Bubbling Sensation
As a non-parent, being in the midst of children at play is like visiting a new world that speaks a dynamic alien language. Kids are like beings from a planet where new words are made up on the go, with meanings that are somehow naturally inferred without explanation.
This child’s foot must have had tingles after staying in the same position for a while. She related this bubbly feeling to her favorite drink sold at the nearest 7-11. We imagine she must have asked her mom where the bubbles come from, which is where she learned the word “carbonated.”
Unlimited Cheese
Children aren’t entirely here with us in spite of their apparent physical presence. They exist in a realm where anything is possible. It is a place where all sorts of magical things can happen, even in an Olive Garden restaurant.
This kid has just such a wild imagination, and no one is capable of telling him that fountains of unlimited cheese aren’t real. He also believes in overflowing waterfalls of soda and fields of chocolates with sugary showers falling from the sky.
In Order Of Priority
Patrick’s parents were surprised to witness their child’s sense of responsibility, unusually manifested at the young age of three. At this age, the kid already had the ability to arrive at decisions based on his priorities. How could that be possible? It’ as if he was embedded at birth with an understanding of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Patrick’s parents can only be thankful that they have a child who is not likely to shirk his future responsibilities. He is the ideal future head of the household and a leader of society.
Future Trendsetter
Camille is not the type who’s afraid to look different from everybody else. Forget that the fashion of the time might be this or that – she’s going out according to her mood. She is the embodiment of wardrobe psychology, and her parents are here for it.
Camille looks like a future trendsetter – a rebellious fashionista who dares to step outside of her home with a diamond-laden crown and a gray sweater over a black dress. Her feelings, beliefs, and attitude are reflected in what she wears.
That’s A Paddlin’
Summertime has come, and the weather outside is perfect for playing catch. The dogs are getting excited for longer walks in the woods. Across the street, families are getting ready for the outdoors. The waves can almost be heard crashing on the shore.
The humid weather is also an invitation to flies to come out of hiding behind walls and ceilings. But this kid is ready for that, armed with a swatter to give them a classic paddlin’. This two-year-old says he’s ready when they are.
Zombie Fight Club
This is a story of a kid who’s trying to circumvent the rules that govern games that can get too physical. The boy must be brimming with energy and looking for a way to release it, and he certainly won’t get it done through the usual means. Solving puzzles, playing board games, and all that other cute stuff is way too passive.
So, he created a self-defense-themed game of Zombie, where he must take the role of the man of the house and beat his zombie dad with impunity. Unfortunately, dad wasn’t buying it.
No Mercy
The boy is glad to have an aunt who can level with him, but he is incapable of converting his gratitude to being soft with her when they battle. Whether they are participating in imaginary wars or sci-fi scenes, the little boy is a stone-cold killer.
Of course, the only thing he’s killing is his aunt’s mood by implying that she’s unattractive enough to make a fine target. It’s a climactic scene where the last words between mortal enemies are exchanged before the final act that ends it all.
Parental Punishment
This mother wanted to express herself through singing, which she normally does in privacy while getting ready for work. She dared to drop her inhibitions and sing and dance like no one was watching, but her son immediately shot her down.
Her child wanted none of that nonsense, especially her wriggling while strapped to the driver’s seat. We feel sorry for the mom, but we can all remember those times when we were kids and our parents embarrassed us. After all, no parent is from planet awesome!
Physical Examination
This father was more than happy to see her daughter’s interest in human anatomy grow, so he invited her to examine his throat. This could be the start of something that would guide her into becoming a doctor someday.
Peeking inside her dad’s mouth, she saw a recess at the back. In her mind, it could have been nothing other than the entrance to the brain. The little doctor’s mission was accomplished. Let’s just hope she learns more about anatomy before enrolling in med school!
Honest Admiration
Years into marriage and overburdened by an endless cycle of house chores and bills to pay, a mother’s youth will eventually fade. But she must not mind all that. In fact, most moms find all their sacrifices worth the trouble when they observe the happiness of their children.
This mom, however, was confronted with her daughter’s severe honesty via her painful compliments. Kortney suspected gravity was having an effect on her face, but little Tessa left her with no room for doubt. No more compliments, please!
How Sweet
Nathan, a worker for the after-school program, must feel the need to see a therapist following this short chat with a little girl in his care. After working with children for a while, he thought he’d heard it all, but this kid left him lost for words.
Mr. Waffle sounds cute and sweet, but we’re sure being sticky is a good thing. Nathan still doesn’t know what to make of it, and neither do we. However, when in doubt, it’s always best to take any comment as a compliment!
Snoot Discoveries
A quick mention about childhood brings back themes of fun and adventure. These adventures need not only be limited to discovering new places, going out to play in the park, or being taught by dad at the beach how to swim.
This kid gladly released his adventurous tubby fingers and let them roam the vast geography of his face. Those fingers stumbled across the topography until they discovered two tunnels in his nose, prompting him to declare this discovery to his dad. Thanks for the revelation, kid!
Feet Detention
A four-year-old child feels for those who wear shoes, which practically means everyone on the entire planet, including him. He sees shoes as a form of punishment from oppressive forces who wish to gain control over foot freedom. It doesn’t have to be that way, the kid thinks. Our feet ought to be as free as our hearts and minds.
In this kid’s mind, feet should be allowed to travel the world unrestrained, free to question the laws regarding footwear and other pertinent cultural standards. We must put an end to these foot traps.
Boring Device
A father walked across the street with his little girl to access his bank account. Surprised to see her unhappy face despite the things they could do together with his money (like having some ice cream or pizza), he asked what was wrong. The child replied that the ATM was the most boring iPad she’d ever seen.
These ATM screens aren’t portable, so they can’t be rotated. There aren’t any flickering lights or audio effects, there are no games, and Siri doesn’t say anything at all, no matter how much you yell at the screen. Judged by iPad standards, ATMs are pretty boring.
Neck Elbow
Some parents will feign sleep just to ward off a child’s relentless inquiries. However, kids will stop at nothing and will keep throwing more questions at you until they are satisfied with an answer. Be prepared to explain the mysteries of the sun and moon, why birds tweet, and how lizards stick on walls.
This poor daddy had trouble explaining the out-of-place elbow in his neck. We wish him luck explaining that it’s an Adam’s Apple. If it’s an apple, why don’t you just eat it?
Endless Birthday Gifts
Shopping malls have all kinds of entertainment designed to attract kids of all ages. There are numerous restaurants, an assortment of shops, and laughter permeates the atmosphere in the game arcades. Of course, it’s not all fun and games.
These parents were just trying to pick up some new clothes but ended up having to have a serious talk with their four-year-old. They had to explain why presents are supposed to be for the birthday child only. She’ll have to wait to get a present on her own birthday, and no amount of crying will change that harsh truth.
A Tooth With A Name
We’ve heard of imaginary friends, but this kid has taken that concept a step further. The imaginative child decided to name their coolest teeth. If only Joe the tooth could hop out and hang out with other characters like Boo-Boo the dog or Tom the cat.
Unfortunately, Molar Joe is all work and no play. It has a lot of grinding to do and candy to crush. It’s a serious business for this character, you know? Being a tooth isn’t easy.
See You In Hell
Supervising children isn’t this person’s idea of a swell job, but it helps pay the bills, and we all need to do that, whether we’re happy about it or not. The moment the parents step out of the house and leave you with the kids, all sorts of problems start to jump out at you.
From feeding unwilling children to teaching homework, being a nanny can be a difficult task. There’s a constant clash of opposing powers, and kids can be surprisingly forceful when they don’t want to do something that’s good for them. So, Mac understood when the seven-year-old referred to the job as hell.
Do We Really Need Him?
A swaddled baby lying in the arms of his mother looked nothing like the older sister had ever seen at her young age. Could this creature really share her genes? Will he grow up and become like her? Will he take up too much of mom and dad’s attention?
The older sister feared she might have to compete with this baby for the love and attention of their parents. She wishes time could be reversed and then held in place so they could stay just as they were before he came into this world.
Tell Me No Lies
This child had grown to love the magical stories constantly being told by everyone around him. Even televisions are full of fairy tales and wonderful Christmas stories about Santa, who travels the skies with his reindeer crew.
This kid clearly suspects that some of these characters aren’t real, but he doesn’t know how to live without them. Life would be too bland without Donald or Mickey Mouse, but what if all these stories were built on lies? It has to be true, or his father will bear the brunt of his disappointment.
Time Management
The innocence with which a child views the world easily reveals to them the excesses of adulthood. They are like the blue lights that pick up traces of invisible evidence at crime scenes. And they are not shy to ask the right questions directly.
What’s the point in going to parties all night and ending up knocked out all day because you went too hard? There has got to be enough time to do other important things, like playdates. This kid knows what’s important in life.
A Sad Cookie
Some days, parents are presented with an assortment of surprises even before their day officially starts. Before their caffeine has been consumed, they often have to deal with wet bedsheets, broken vases, and squabbling siblings.
This three-year-old came running down the stairs, full of imagination, only to tumble and bang his against the wall. The mother’s attempt at fortifying him with her words had an adorably funny effect. The little cookie wasn’t tough at all – he crumbled.