Kids have a unique (and often magical) view of the world. The realities that adults take for granted are entirely new for kids – which often causes adults to look at those realities in entirely new ways. Usually, this is accompanied by a fair bit of laughter because kids say unintentionally funny things.
The Tonight Show’s Jimmy Fallon knows this – that’s why he set about capturing those moments of hilarity with his #KidsQuote campaign. The results were amazing. Parents sent in tweets by the thousands. They ranged from anecdotes about kids naming their own teeth to quotes about their feet being carbonated. Below are 33 of our favorites.
Neverending Cheese
When you’re young, you get to exist in this magical world where anything is possible and the realities of the real world are absent. For the kid below, that magical world consisted of an unlimited amount of cheese. Keep dreaming, youngin!
Although the proverbial “say when” doesn’t have a stopping point, most people say the magic word within a few seconds. However, the kid above was ready to wait for days, months, perhaps even years until all the cheese in the world was on the plate.
Is Mickey Mouse Real?
Some kids love to live in a world of magic where anything is possible. They’re happy to believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and Mickey Mouse as long as possible. Others kids (like the one below) are far more skeptical and cynical.
They want to know the straight facts of the adult world right away. Rather than waiting for later, this kid wanted to know if Mickey Mouse was real – right here and right now. If dad told a lie, he risked a punch in the face. Ouch!
An Early Sense of Responsibility
Although it might look like kids live a carefree life, some of them develop a sense of responsibility early on. It seems like Patrick below is one of them. We imagine him getting into to-do lists by five, holding down a job by seven, and starting his own company by 10. Why, do you ask?
Well, he’s already a busy boy by three! He can’t just head off with mom and Colin, he’s got to “get a couple of things” off his plate first.
All Your Chins Are Pretty
Adults (or at least a lot of them) have learned the art of speaking carefully. They know how to beat around the bush and say things in a soft way that doesn’t hurt other people’s feelings. Kids, however, haven’t mastered this skill yet.
Their words don’t always come out correctly. Although Tessa meant to uplift her mom with a compliment, that compliment didn’t land too well. At least knows that Tessa’s heart was in the right place even if her words were in the wrong one.
You Have An Elbow in Your Neck
To kids, the world is full of mysterious things. They haven’t accepted what many adults take as fact. That allows them to live in a sort of magical world where nothing is taken for granted – the shapes of trees are just as weird as the shapes of necks.
In particular, that weird elbow-looking thing that was in Dad’s neck. We imagine that dad explained it to his son. However, the name itself – “Adam’s Apple” – probably sparked a whole other round of questions.
Nose Holes
As we saw from above, kids live in a world where nothing is taken for granted. Therefore, anything can be amazing – from the color of the sky to the sound of thunder to the fact that their nose has holes.
It may seem mundane to us, but it must be amazing to figure it out for the first time. Wait, this nose thing has holes? What?! Where do they lead? Well, that’s when you run into trouble – or at least a big mess.
Really? You’re Too Pretty?
The little boy below was ready to end his aunt’s life – or, more accurately, slightly annoy her face with a squishy nerf bullet. However, before he could pull the trigger, his aunt pleaded for her life by saying she was “too pretty to die.”
The boy, however, wasn’t sure. “Really?” he asked quizzically. Although the aunt was spared, she was also a bit annoyed too. Like the “double chins” comment above, this boy was too honest for his own good.
Meet Molar Joe
Did you ever have an imaginary friend as a kid? If so, then you probably remember giving that friend a name and perhaps even a background story. Kids love to give names to everything around them, from trees to cats to teeth.
Teeth? As you can see from above, some molar got the lucky name “Joe.” To be honest, it has a nice ring to it – Molar Joe. We imagine Joe being a hardy tooth ready to chomp down any hardened candy or carrots.
Not From Planet Awesome
It seems like mom was grooving along to the tunes too much in the car. This caused the backseat drivers (aka her kids) to call her out – “mom, you are not from planet awesome.” Ouch!
First off, where is the planet awesome, exactly? And secondly, how do her kids know that she’s not from there? The more likely explanation is that they got embarrassed by mom singing and dancing and asked her to stop. Maybe mom stopped, but we hope she didn’t – embarrassing kids is part of the job description!
A Doll For Me For Her Birthday
Shopping malls can be fun for kids, but a real hassle for adults – an expensive hassle. Once a small one learns that “birthday” means “presents,” they can be on the lookout for birthday gifts all year long. The 4-year-old below tried a new tactic.
Rather than asking for a doll for her birthday, she asked for a doll for her sister’s birthday! We’re still trying to figure out the logic behind that one, but we give her a round of applause for a clever request.
An Inventive Child
At some point in time, we all find ourselves in a messy state of affairs, cornered in circumstances that seem impossible to get out of without shame. But for this kindergartener, that moment came too early.
The kid has promising cognitive skills! He was able to think up an excuse when forced to shoot from the hip. It may not be so plausible to us adults, but he sure thinks he’s gotten away from a major embarrassment, boosting his confidence. You have to admit this was clever for his age.
Future Trendsetter
Camille is not the type who’s afraid to look different from everybody else. Forget that the fashion of the time might be this or that – she’s going out according to her mood. She is the embodiment of wardrobe psychology, and her parents are here for it.
Camille looks like a future trendsetter – a rebellious fashionista who dares to step outside of her home with a diamond-laden crown and a gray sweater over a black dress. Her feelings, beliefs, and attitude are reflected in what she wears.
Feet Detention
A four-year-old child feels for those who wear shoes, which practically means everyone on the entire planet, including him. He sees shoes as a form of punishment from oppressive forces who wish to gain control over foot freedom. It doesn’t have to be that way, the kid thinks. Our feet ought to be as free as our hearts and minds.
In this kid’s mind, feet should be allowed to travel the world unrestrained, free to question the laws regarding footwear and other pertinent cultural standards. We must put an end to these foot traps.
Trying to Belong
This new teenager did not understand what hit her the first time she heard the question. Coming from a curious eight-year-old, this certainly is an odd question. It sounds like something an undercover cop would ask!
Of course, this eight-year-old was no cop. However, her question just does not sound right for her age. We have a feeling she overheard her parents talking about how her older sister is growing up so fast. It sounds like she was echoing something her concerned father said.
See You In Hell
Supervising children isn’t this person’s idea of a swell job, but it helps pay the bills, and we all need to do that, whether we’re happy about it or not. The moment the parents step out of the house and leave you with the kids, all sorts of problems start to jump out at you.
From feeding unwilling children to teaching homework, being a nanny can be a difficult task. There’s a constant clash of opposing powers, and kids can be surprisingly forceful when they don’t want to do something that’s good for them. So, Mac understood when the seven-year-old referred to the job as hell.
At Least He Tried
A day spent with an infant can both be hilarious and annoying, what with their need for constant attention. Screams can erupt at the slightest provocation, but still, their cuteness charms you, slobber and all.
While toddlers do a lot of slobbering, they also say some pretty funny things. This baby boy tried to articulate how excited he was about certain things but ended up saying something that sounded NSFW! Thankfully, his parents were eventually able to interpret his mumblings.
How It All Started
Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon, a father of two, invited his millions of Twitter followers from all over the globe to share their funny #kidquotes. Sure enough, it only took a few moments for him to get a tidal wave of responses.
Children can say the simplest things and be so adorable and funny. Their raw and unpredictable observations render parents nervous when in big crowds, but they get the rest of us giggling with how unabashedly honest they are.
How Sweet
Nathan, a worker for the after-school program, must feel the need to see a therapist following this short chat with a little girl in his care. After working with children for a while, he thought he’d heard it all, but this kid left him lost for words.
Mr. Waffle sounds cute and sweet, but we’re sure being sticky is a good thing. Nathan still doesn’t know what to make of it, and neither do we. However, when in doubt, it’s always best to take any comment as a compliment!
Etiquette Among Boys
Kids enjoy the kind of freedom adults can only dream of. Completely uninhibited and genuine, even bordering on the anarchic, this five-year-old drew his grandma’s attention and subsequent scolding. What does it matter to the child if he burps in the middle of dinner?
Not even the idea posed about a potential future date encouraged him to bother with social etiquette. He brushed grandma’s question aside with a sneer and a quick retort. Sometimes, we hate it when kids act that way, but we also secretly wish we were as free to do as we please.
Grayscale Display
It was 2016, and the young mother must have been born at least two decades earlier, in the 1990s. This was when the Hubble Space Telescope was launched into the heavens to conduct valuable research. The low flying observatory orbits beyond the rain clouds, taking pictures of galaxies and planets.
Though technology was pretty advanced in the 90s, this woman’s child made her feel old with her black and white reference. It's a comical notion that the world used to be grayscale, far from completion, just a few years ago. Kids have no sense of time.
Dogged Determination
How we sometimes wish we had the dogged determination of this 4-year-old when aiming for success, saving up to build a home, or buying a new car. Somehow, along the way to adulthood, many of us have lost that verve and have become less hopeful and more jaded.
This kid reminds us of that unflinching will to succeed, demonstrated in her goal to someday catch pokemon in real life. It’s impossible, but how could you explain that to an innocent four-year-old?
Character Creation
Intelligence and creativity start to manifest at a very young age. These traits show in the way kids interact with one another, how they invent games within games, making up new characters plucked from the woods of their uncharted imagination.
But this right here might be a little different. The Dairy Queen must be the product of a misunderstanding, but what good things come along with it – ice cream, sundaes, milkshakes, and other treats strewn all over the table.
Time Management
The innocence with which a child views the world easily reveals to them the excesses of adulthood. They are like the blue lights that pick up traces of invisible evidence at crime scenes. And they are not shy to ask the right questions directly.
What’s the point in going to parties all night and ending up knocked out all day because you went too hard? There has got to be enough time to do other important things, like playdates. This kid knows what’s important in life.
Christmas Fleas
The monotony of everyday life is lifted away each year by the coming of the Christmas Season. It’s the happiest time of the year, especially for kids. There are blinking lights wrapped around the tree, snow-covered homes, gifts in glittery wrappers, and plenty of parties to keep everyone’s spirits high.
Just when you think the season could not be merrier, a boy begins singing “there’s fleas on the dog” to the tune of “Feliz Navidad.” How adorable! We bet the whole family sings it his way now.
Unsophisticated Preference
Teaching a child to develop fine tastes in multiple aspects of life, apart from academics, can be quite difficult. Parents have to spend time and money to get their children the right exposure. For many, this comes down to hiring the best teachers of music, art, and literature. For others, it means traveling around the world.
Unfortunately, this kid is lacking when it comes to authentic dish preferences. Instead of appreciating the real deal of eating lasagna in its homeland, he longed for the preservative-laden, frozen lasagna back home, much to the parents’ chagrin.
That’s A Paddlin’
Summertime has come, and the weather outside is perfect for playing catch. The dogs are getting excited for longer walks in the woods. Across the street, families are getting ready for the outdoors. The waves can almost be heard crashing on the shore.
The humid weather is also an invitation to flies to come out of hiding behind walls and ceilings. But this kid is ready for that, armed with a swatter to give them a classic paddlin’. This two-year-old says he’s ready when they are.
Zombie Fight Club
This is a story of a kid who’s trying to circumvent the rules that govern games that can get too physical. The boy must be brimming with energy and looking for a way to release it, and he certainly won’t get it done through the usual means. Solving puzzles, playing board games, and all that other cute stuff is way too passive.
So, he created a self-defense-themed game of Zombie, where he must take the role of the man of the house and beat his zombie dad with impunity. Unfortunately, dad wasn’t buying it.
Boring Device
A father walked across the street with his little girl to access his bank account. Surprised to see her unhappy face despite the things they could do together with his money (like having some ice cream or pizza), he asked what was wrong. The child replied that the ATM was the most boring iPad she’d ever seen.
These ATM screens aren’t portable, so they can’t be rotated. There aren’t any flickering lights or audio effects, there are no games, and Siri doesn’t say anything at all, no matter how much you yell at the screen. Judged by iPad standards, ATMs are pretty boring.
Do We Really Need Him?
A swaddled baby lying in the arms of his mother looked nothing like the older sister had ever seen at her young age. Could this creature really share her genes? Will he grow up and become like her? Will he take up too much of mom and dad’s attention?
The older sister feared she might have to compete with this baby for the love and attention of their parents. She wishes time could be reversed and then held in place so they could stay just as they were before he came into this world.
Guessing Game
Spontaneous guessing games will never be the same for this family after the daughter misspelled “tree” in the cutest manner. She must have said it with absolute conviction, certain that the word “tree” is spelled “chree.”
It would, perhaps, be a bit annoying trying to guess a word that doesn’t exist. But it’s so adorable that you’d have to forgive her. Kids can say the most confounding things and still look so charming. The things they say are like magic spells that captivate and tug at our heartstrings.
A Sad Cookie
Some days, parents are presented with an assortment of surprises even before their day officially starts. Before their caffeine has been consumed, they often have to deal with wet bedsheets, broken vases, and squabbling siblings.
This three-year-old came running down the stairs, full of imagination, only to tumble and bang his against the wall. The mother’s attempt at fortifying him with her words had an adorably funny effect. The little cookie wasn’t tough at all – he crumbled.
Physical Examination
This father was more than happy to see her daughter’s interest in human anatomy grow, so he invited her to examine his throat. This could be the start of something that would guide her into becoming a doctor someday.
Peeking inside her dad’s mouth, she saw a recess at the back. In her mind, it could have been nothing other than the entrance to the brain. The little doctor’s mission was accomplished. Let’s just hope she learns more about anatomy before enrolling in med school!
Bubbling Sensation
As a non-parent, being in the midst of children at play is like visiting a new world that speaks a dynamic alien language. Kids are like beings from a planet where new words are made up on the go, with meanings that are somehow naturally inferred without explanation.
This child’s foot must have had tingles after staying in the same position for a while. She related this bubbly feeling to her favorite drink sold at the nearest 7-11. We imagine she must have asked her mom where the bubbles come from, which is where she learned the word “carbonated.”