Finding Comfort
In the days leading up to my surgery, I spent most of my time in my room, often with a kind young nurse. She seemed to find comfort in my company, using our time together as an escape from the difficult patients on the floor.
The operation was to take place near the base of my spine, an area covered in thick hair. One morning, she entered with my breakfast, but her demeanor had shifted—cold and expressionless. Without much conversation, she instructed me to turn around. As I removed my gown, she began shaving my lower back and rear, a process that took nearly an hour. Something between us shifted after that. What followed later made me realize that sometimes, taking a moment before acting could spare a whole lot of trouble.
Dairy Allergy
As a child, I had a severe dairy allergy, not just lactose intolerance. Whenever I consumed dairy, my throat would close, and my eyes would swell. I experienced this a few times during my early years, which made me avoid dairy as much as possible. I never recalled having a reaction to it after those early incidents.
However, one day during my freshman year of college, I unknowingly ate a sandwich stuffed with Swiss cheese. After realizing my mistake, I panicked and rushed to the campus office, where my parents quickly arrived, and an ambulance was called. To my surprise, I discovered that I had outgrown the allergy. Despite it happening years ago, my friends still joke about the incident, which continues to make me feel embarrassed. Looking back, it was definitely a brain-freeze moment.
During Your Physical
Do you remember that time during your physical when the doctor had you read letters from a board that got smaller and smaller? Here's how it went.
Doctor: "Please read line 5."
Me: "E G F T M..."
Doctor: "Now, close your left eye and read with your right."
Me: (closes left eye) "E...G. F T M..."
Doctor: "Let's check your left eye now."
Me: (closes right eye) "E G F...T...M."
Doctor: "Now, both eyes."
Me: (closes both eyes) "I can't see anything."
It's one of those moments I often think about. It's a reminder that we should all be careful when using certain devices, even if they seem harmless at first.
Safety Lecture
Before woodworking class in middle school, we were given a quick safety lecture. Sitting at the work tables with vises on the corners, I absentmindedly played with the vise while barely paying attention to the teacher. Everyone quickly moved to their stations, and in my rush to close the vise, I jumped up without realizing my pants were caught.
As I tried to free myself, my pants ripped down the back in front of the entire class. I lost my balance and fell, hitting my face and wrist on the floor. It wasn't the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me, but it definitely ranks high. The next character's lesson: slow down and think things through before rushing into action.
In The Middle Of The Night
In the middle of the night, I was headed to work, my mind barely awake as I moved on autopilot. On my way to the parking lot, I bumped into my neighbor. After a short conversation, he awkwardly said “bye,” grabbed his girlfriend, and hurried off.
At work, I ran into a coworker in the parking lot. Our brief chat was cut short when he quickly walked away. As I made my way to the door, I realized my fly was undone, and my boxers weren’t doing their job. The wind caught me in an embarrassing moment. Since then, I’ve switched to boxer briefs for the best fit and security.
Completely Infatuated
We were young, carefree, and completely infatuated with each other. At that stage, maintaining any semblance of privacy, especially in his bathroom, was a challenge. You'd hold everything in, avoiding any embarrassing moments at all costs, even if it meant discomfort. My insecurities then were no different from those I feel now, though back then, they seemed amplified by the newness of our relationship.
One day, feeling under the weather while his parents were away, we spent the weekend together. After a day of nonstop energy and cold medications, I passed out from exhaustion. When I woke up, the unexpected was waiting for me: the bed was soaked, not with a simple accident, but something far worse. In my sickly state, I'd soiled his bed. I cried, mortified, but he was kind and understanding. Our relationship lasted another two years after that, with no ill will—just memories we both laugh at now. In the next story, though, he learned a valuable lesson about looking before leaping into a car!
Hanging Out
In the past, my friend would often pick me up after class, and we'd hang out at his place for a while—either playing games or having drinks—before I walked home. One day, I hopped into his car, casually saying, "Glad that's over now, time to head home." But as soon as I said it, I realized something was off. "Oh, wait, wrong car," I quickly corrected myself.
To my surprise, I found myself face-to-face with an elderly Chinese couple, who were looking at me in utter confusion. The car was identical to my friend's in both make, model, and color, parked right where he usually did. Meanwhile, my friend, across the street, was in hysterics, laughing uncontrollably. It reminded me of a situation where a little self-awareness (and maybe a bathroom break) could’ve spared a lot of embarrassment.
A Spelling Test
In first grade, we had a spelling test as part of our curriculum, and to prevent cheating, we each had dividers around us. During the test, my stomach started to feel uneasy, but since I was doing well so far, I tried to ignore it. However, things took a turn when I started to feel a little nauseous. I couldn’t focus, and before I knew it, I threw up in my mouth but managed to swallow it down.
Things only got worse from there. Despite the discomfort, I kept writing the test, but eventually, the vomit came out uncontrollably. I raised my hand to alert my teacher, and as soon as the dividers were lifted, my puke sprayed over all my neighbors’ desks. The whole situation was beyond embarrassing and truly horrific.
Intense Stomach Cramps
When I was 12, I experienced severe constipation, and one afternoon, intense stomach cramps left me struggling. I told my mom, a nurse, who took me to the doctor. After an exam, we learned I had a backlog of stool. Despite initial treatments, including suppositories and an enema, nothing seemed to work.
Two days later, after more suppositories and enemas, I was woken in the middle of the night by intense contractions. In a moment of panic, my body erupted, and I felt an immediate release, losing what felt like five pounds. The sounds that followed were unforgettable. Afterward, I was helped back to bed, and I spent the next several hours asleep. The following day, I used a wheelchair until I regained the ability to walk. It was a harrowing experience that made me wish I had waited a little longer before growing up.
Around Eight Or Nine
When I was around eight or nine, our family had a party where adults mingled while kids played together. This particular year, for reasons I can’t quite explain, I decided I wanted to grow up. I thought that by adding tissues into my shirt, I could fool everyone into thinking I was more mature, especially in the chest area. I figured that with my makeshift "bust," I’d be able to hang out with the adults instead of just the other kids.
It didn’t take long for my mom to notice the bulging tissue balls poking out of my T-shirt. As we were about to leave, she calmly pulled them out, and after a long pause, told me to throw them away. They ended up in the trash, and I went to the party flat-chested. That moment still pops into my head occasionally, even now, at 24, and I can't help but laugh at my childhood attempt at "growing up."
Check Up Humiliation
When I was 12, my school district required any kids trying out for sports to have a physical. This included the whole, “Don’t drink, don’t smoke, let’s take your blood pressure, check your vitals, etc”. The last and most embarrassing part for a 12-year-old boy is having the doctor examine his groin for a hernia. I got a female med student to perform my physical…and my worst fears occurred. My little guy “reacted” in the way you’d expect, right around when she asked me to “remove my shorts”.
She tried to act very professionally while examining my newly developed manhood before exclaiming, “I’m sorry, but isn’t he too young to have that? before bursting out in laughter and leaving the room. Her supervising physician, who was male, finished the exam while trying to hold back awkward giggles of his own. Meanwhile, my father was wiping back tears of laughter after witnessing what he was certain to be the most humiliating moment of his son’s life. The next story is about a woman whose cat betrayed her in the worst way possible.
The Ultimate Betrayal
So I was sprawled out on my bed trying to look “appealing” because I could hear my boyfriend shuffling down the hall.
He gets to the door and I’m laying there like “Open for Business!!” and he’s leaning in the doorway. Well, my cat chose that moment to jump off my headboard onto my stomach. All four feet, directly into my guts. I farted so loud I spooked myself. My boyfriend flinched, then laughed so hard that there was no recovery. The guy in the next story just couldn’t hold it in any longer.
A Very Loud Announcement
Years ago, my dad was working at this big-name studio as a stagehand for a popular soap opera. He didn’t often work days when people were filming, but this particular day he was. He was up way high in the rafters working on some of the lighting when he noticed that filming had started below him and they called for “Quiet on Set”. Not wanting to make noise, he decided to sit on top of a ventilation shaft for the air conditioning.
He sat there for a while before he felt the rumbles. He had to pass gas. So, he let loose the gas. On top of the ventilation shaft. It echoed throughout the entire studio. The actors and people behind the camera started laughing so hard, they had to stop filming so they could get themselves under control. Dad stayed where he was for about 30 minutes before he decided he should go back down and try to finish his work, as normal. He gets down to the main floor and there his boss is standing, trying his hardest not to smile. All he says to my dad is, “Don’t do that again”. The person in the next story was suffering from terrible pain that put them in hospital.
The Wrong End
I got home from work and had a feeling of pain in my abdomen. It was not uncommon, given the fact that I have Crohn’s disease, so I thought nothing of it and continued on with my night. By the time 9 PM hit, I was curled up in the fetal position with some of the most intense pain I’ve ever felt. As the night went on, I eventually vomited and felt immediate relief. I thought it was over, but I was so wrong.
Every few hours, though, the pain came back, and I ran out of things to throw up. When I saw it was 6 AM, and I still had the pain, I knew something wasn’t right. Eventually, I was able to drag myself to the toilet to puke again, but this one was different. As I later found out in the hospital, I had a bowel obstruction. This one happened to work itself out by traveling out of the system the other way—I pooped out of my mouth. The kid in the next story would think twice about doing something silly the night before school.
The Ring
One time I had to go to the nurse’s office at school because I had a ring-shaped bruise around my mouth and the teacher and nurse thought I was being mistreated at home.
What really happened is that I got a cup stuck on my mouth by sucking all the air out of it the night before while I was taking a bath. The person in the next story must have thought they were standing next to an old lady from children’s fairy tales.
Caught In The Crosshairs
I was standing in line at Hardee’s and struck up a conversation with an 80-year-old lady. I noticed a long, loose hair had fallen onto her face and decided to brush it out of the way.
I said, “Let me get that for you”, and gently tried to lift the hair off her face. Unfortunately, it was attached to a mole. The person in the next story should have thought twice about eating a whole packet of candy.
Not So Sweet After All
When I was dieting heavily in my younger years, I ate two large packets of sugar-free lollies. I was so happy I found them and thought I had seamlessly gotten away with a guilty pleasure. But it was all too good to be true…Little did I know sugar-free lollies have an enormous laxative effect. Sadly for me, it built up as gas in my stomach, and it felt like I was going to burst.
When the gas finally passed in the emergency room, the 20-second ripper ended with a shart. It was the second most humiliating moment of my life. The person in the next story must’ve been scarred for life after what he saw at his friend’s house.
To The Left, To The Left
I was at a friend’s house for the first time ever. I met his dad, shook his hand, etc. About twenty minutes later, I asked, “Hey, where’s your bathroom?” My friend told me, “First door on the right”. I opened the door only to see something that scarred my eyes.
My friend’s dad, sans pants and underwear, was sitting on the bed. He jumped up, ran over to the door, said, “Bathroom is across the hall”, and shut the door. Turns out the bathroom door was the first on the left. The person in the next story probably wanted the world to swallow them in whole.
Mic Check
I had just arrived into this super boring class on Zoom call. I checked to see if my mic was muted. It said it was. Then I sealed my destruction.
I let my roommate know, “Hey, I’ve joined this stupid class and I probably don’t need to listen, but just so you know…” Someone from the class messaged me right away and said “Yo, your mic is on. We heard you talking trash”. I want to disappear. The guy in the next story had the surprise of his life when he went to the park.
Surprise!
My girlfriend decided to go to the park and take a walk one day. I told her that I had to do some stuff at home but she can go solo. About 15 minutes later, I decided to surprise her at the park. I go looking and I eventually find her. I sneak up behind her, spin her around, and give her a kiss.
As it turns out, that was not her, but instead, a middle-aged woman wearing the same clothes. She slapped me so hard that I was seeing stars. Super embarrassed by this, I ran home and just waited for my girlfriend. I have never told her what happened. The woman in the next story had a huge disaster after going on one date.
A Night To Remember
I met this guy for the first time and we went for dinner and drinks. He was so handsome and everything was going so well, we even kissed and there was an instant connection. But I drank so much to calm my nerves that I passed out in front of him back at the hotel. He said I was so gone that he was scared and called the receptionist from the hotel to help him. I then went and sat on the toilet for ages. Then I was sick everywhere and he cleaned it up. But that was just the beginning.
My period then started and I bled everywhere, all over the white sheets. He didn’t leave my side even though, again, he didn’t know me as that was the first time we’d met. Now I’m so ashamed to open his messages. He’s being so mature and understanding but I can’t come back from that. He said I was having panic attacks and eventually they had to call an ambulance, where the EMT spoke with me over the phone to help calm me down. He also said I was calling him different guys’ names. The mom in the next story must’ve regretted having that cocktail during a zoom call.
The Wannabe Cool Mom
My husband and I have been working on a backyard project for a few weeks and finally finished yesterday. We had some cocktails to celebrate and I had a Zoom call at 7 pm for my daughter’s preschool. I continued to drink while on the call and didn’t eat dinner. I woke up this morning to a few text messages from other parents asking if everything was ok and if I was alright. I was very confused as I couldn’t remember the end of the call. I called a girlfriend whose daughter is at the same school and who was also on the call.
She informed me that I started puking in the middle of the Zoom call for two minutes straight before my line went off. Thankfully my video was off but the sound was not. She said every time I would start retching, my box would light up and people would stop talking so it was very obvious it was me. I must have finally realized the meeting was still going and hung up after a couple of minutes, but at that point, the damage was done. Ladies and gentlemen, mom of the year. The person in the next story really wished they had kept their mouth shut.
Commentary Included
I’m the manager of the boys’ basketball team at school, so I video all their games. Well…I didn’t realize something crucial. The recording had audio and I talk to myself A LOT. So during the recording that the team uses to study during practice, they now have a bunch of comments from me. And it’s really weird stuff like, “I don’t know anything about basketball, yet I’m the team manager” and “Oh shoot—the ball is over there now. Oops” and “WEEE” every time someone would try to shoot a basket from far away.
So coach came up to me after the game and told me, “You do realize the video has sound right?” and I expired right then and there. Then he said, “But I think you’re pretty funny so if you can’t find a way to mute it, that’s perfectly fine”. My soul has left my body. I can’t decide whether I should be laughing or crying right now. The guy in the next story should’ve made sure his girlfriend was next to him before he did the unthinkable.
Not Yours To Touch
My girlfriend and I work together and whenever I walk past her, I either smack or grab a deep handful of her backside.
Well, I was walking by and did my usual…only to look up and see my girl on the other side of the restaurant. The person didn’t even react until I realized and apologized about a hundred times. The guy in the next story wished he didn’t turn around while he was in the bathroom.
Not Funny, Kid
This was super embarrassing and I almost quit out of shame. The restroom in my office has a row of urinals and a row of stalls. I was at a urinal and just started going when someone walked in the door. It was my boss with his young son (like four years old I think). My boss had to take his kid to the bathroom and they’re walking into a stall behind me. Well, the kid was holding a baseball and he threw it, hitting me in the head.
It hurt more than it should have and I panicked and turned around, still peeing, and literally peed on my boss’s leg and shoes. I’m in shock. He’s like what the heck? The kid is cracking up. My head is throbbing. I quickly turn back to the urinal to finish. Oh my god. My boss and I didn’t make eye contact for a week. The person in the next story would have a painful experience at a restaurant.
Ice, Eyes, Baby
I took my family for a Korean barbecue dinner. Somehow, my five-year-old cousin stuck her ice cream cone between my glasses and my eye. It hurt really bad, and I ended up in the ER.
The next day, I went to the eye doctor. When he looked into my eye, he gasped. Basically, my cousin performed Lasik with an ice cream cone. My eye was patched all week, tinted yellow, and had no perception. The person’s dad in the next story embarrassed them so badly that he wished the ground would open up and swallowed them.
Moonwalk Fail
I was visiting my dad across the country after not seeing him for a while. He invited his friends over for some introduction, and we were all gathered around the kitchen with me being center stage. My dad requested I show everyone my moonwalk because I excel at it. I spun my butt around and proceeded to walk on the moon so well, Michael Jackson gave a “Cha Mon!” from his grave.
But my dad being a dad, he decided to put his foot out and trip me midway. It all went so wrong. On my way down out of instinct, I grabbed for anything close…the closest thing unfortunately was my dad’s crotch. Yep, I grabbed my dad’s crotch in front of everyone. The woman in the next story almost died of embarrassment after being on the phone with her dad.
Never Speak Of It Again
A couple of years ago I was sitting in my college dorm talking to my dad on the phone. At this point, I hadn’t seen or talked to my family in weeks and was spending the majority of my time with my boyfriend, whom I call “babe”. As my dad and I were wrapping up the phone call, I said, “Okay talk to you later. Love you babe”. AHHHHHHHHHH. At that moment I just FROZE. My face got so hot and I was absolutely mortified.
My dad and I have a good relationship but we’re not close enough for us to laugh it off. Right after I said it, I didn’t know whether to laugh, apologize, or say anything. I ended up pretending like it never happened and stayed silent. I could hear my dad pause on the phone for a bit and he went “……. love you too” and I hung up. My dad and I have never discussed it. Sometimes when I lay in bed I think about it and cringe so hard. The person in the next story couldn’t believe the report they had to transcribe.
Mr. Bean
When I worked in a medical office, I had to transcribe a report about an older gentleman who was experiencing some “dribbling” from his little guy. Rather than seek medical attention for it, he would place a small bean into the opening and just remove it when he needed to pee.
Well, one day, his “solution” became a major health concern—he couldn’t get the bean out. He figured it would come out on its own at some point, so he let it be. Eventually, he did seek medical attention because the bean had begun to sprout. The person in the next story wished they had muted everything around them.
Praise The Lord?
During a Zoom class one day, the teacher was calling on students to talk. He calls on me and I unmute myself, but then my dad’s Christian music that he recorded starts playing EXTREMELY LOUDLY and I could not figure out how to turn it off.
I muted myself and wrote in the chat that my mic wasn’t working. I can still hear my dad singing, “Christ the lord is risen today…..”